The Dos and Do Nots Of A First Date

One of the things I’m most commonly asked is: “What do I do on a first date?”

And those who don’t ask…probably should have, because I hear all about everything they did wrong later during a post-date feedback session.  That first date is so important; if the chemistry is right, you want your date hoping for more.  But nerves and bad habits can often cause perfectly good, well meaning people to trip and stumble at the finish line.  (Trust me, I’ve heard some pretty crazy stories.)

So here is my ultimate list of things to do (and not do) when wanting to make a good first impression!

Dating Tips – Please Do:

1. Ask questions about your date; where they grew up, where they’ve traveled, who their family is, what they do for a living, what their dreams and goals are…anything that will tell you more about them.
2. Share your passions…what really gets you excited in life, your goals, etc.
3. Flirt and show your sensuality.
4. Dress up, please!  No, that doesn’t mean you have to wear a suit and tie or a ball gown of course…but put on something cute and classy that accentuates your best features.
5. Smell good…but not too overbearing.  You can turn off your date just as much with an overbearing smell as you can with a bad smell, never forget that.  Sometimes people are allergic so make sure whatever you wear is a neutral fragrance with soft notes!
6. Give your date your undivided attention; let them know this is important to you, and that you’re serious about wanting to get to know them.  They took the time to dress up just for you, after all…be appreciative of that.

Dating Tips – Please Do Not:

1. Talk about your ex.  Don’t even bring up past relationships, unless your date asks first…and even then, answer the question and move on!
2. Talk about yourself the whole time.  Ask questions of your date!  I get it, first dates can be intimidating and for the nervous talker it can sometimes be hard to shut up, especially if you’re feeling awkward…but you have to take time to get to know your date instead of only blabbing about yourself.  (Plus you don’t want them thinking you’re a n
   arcissist.)  Pausing is a good thing; comfortable silences are actually a good
   sign, so let the silences happen instead of appearing self absorbed by filling every pause with nervous self talk.
3. Talk about your kids.  Yes, it’s important to make sure your date knows if you have them, so you can briefly mention them…but you don’t need to go into all the details about little Johnny becoming a teenager and how you keep finding his dirty socks everywhere.  This is not sexy!  Talking about your kids too much in the beginning takes away from potential chemistry and bonding between you and your date.
4. Talk about all the “other” dates you have been going on, and how many men or women you could call at any time.  I get it…you’re trying not to seem desperate by showing off your “options”…but this strategy can easily backfire by giving your date the impression you’re not that serious about them, or worse, you’re a player.
5. Take calls and respond to text messages constantly on your phone.  Nothing ruins the flow of conversation more than looking down to check your Facebook feed every five seconds.
6. Finally – and this is a big one, ladies and gents – do not talk about how ready you are to get married and have children.  The proverbial ticking clock is not – I repeat NOT – sexy.  All this does is make you look desperate, and it scares the other person away because they end up thinking you are not looking for Mr/Ms. Right…you’re just looking for Mr./Ms. Right Now.