The High Profile Divorce And The Gold Digger Trap

There are a lot of divorces happening each year, and the pain and grieving that occurs as a part of the whole process is the same for every individual regardless of socioeconomic status. However, high profile divorces are very different and can be messy. In fact, about 90 percent of the times I see high profile divorce cases to be messy because a lot of money is involved and it can take years! Infidelity, betrayal, loosing a ton of money in the divorce settlement are all factors.

No one ever talks about men and the divorce process, and how it can be to go through a divorce especially for wealthy men who don’t open up to anyone except their counselors or coach. These men get a lot of smack for being wealthy and powerful but what about their emotional well being? Not all men are pigs and some of these men are not the ones who cheated on their wives. It was quiet the opposite. I have had a chance to work with a lot of wealthy, and well known men who are almost like celebrities in their industries. They are well known and their divorce cases have ended up in a grand trial because their spouse wanted to take them for every penny.  It’s important to note that it’s a different kind of a woman who wants to take the man for everything he has. Most but not all the time it’s the 2^nd wife who came after the 1^st wife and a very long marriage. The 2^nd wife was most likely a gold digger. There are many men who fall in what I call the “gold digger trap”.

I had a celebrity client, very well known. Not the type you see in the movies but the one that is well known for something they invented. Think of Steve Jobs? No, he wasn’t my client but you get the idea! He was going through his second divorce. The first one was smooth and he was married to her for a long time.  2^nd wife was a complete gold digger. The guy has spent tens of millions on the divorce just so she doesn’t take half his money. She ended up walking away with not much. Thanks to a lot of money and good lawyers. However, this guy was stressed, exhausted, slightly bitter and ready for a matchmaker. He knew he was a fool and didn’t want to make the same mistake ever again! There is a lot of shame in these types of divorces where you know you fell in a trap and it’s embarrassing that everyone else around you knew what you were getting into and event tried hinting it to you but you wont listen. Post divorce, there is all kinds of shame and guilt. Dating again seems like a nightmare! This is why they need someone to guide them through the process on how to get out there safely.

Here are some tips on how to get out there after a separation or a divorce and avoid the “gold digger trap”

1. Do not date during the period where you are going through your divorce: you don’t want to drag another person into this mess. I have seen this happen quite often and I suggest people to focus on other things like themselves and re building their personal brand. This means, you should focus on yourself, what makes you feel good? Do you need to loose weight? Color your hair, spice up your wardrobe, get more fun in your life, and become a more confident person? If you want to go have casual sex, go ahead! Do let the other person know that you are not looking for a long term relationship. Make sure to communicate this to a woman before you start anything with her. There are
2. a lot of women who don’t mind this and there are a lot of women who will be appalled by this so choose wisely! If you pay attention, listen to body language and cues you will know. Some men are not good at this and some are.
3. Do some soul searching! Read books, re connect with old friends, be kind to yourself, go have a spa day by yourself or go for a bike ride on the weekends and spend some time in a park or by the water. Whatever gives you peace and happiness. Be comfortable being by yourself and learn to love yourself and be okay with being alone. When you are complete, you are content and more likely to attract healthy relationships in your life. This is the time to travel by yourself and meet new people. Have fun and get to know yourself again!
4. You are vulnerable and maybe going through a bit of mid life crisis, you may buy a Maserati, Ferrari, or some other fancy expensive car. You may love all the compliments and attention from younger and all kind women that never noticed you before. This is where you enter the danger zone and this is where you can get in real trouble of attracting a “gold digger”. No matter how smart you guys are, women are even smarter at manipulation, especially the gold digger types. If you are new to this game, you can fall in the gold digger trap very easily. I have heard and seen many men fall victims to this. You can’t just flash everything and expect to not attract gold diggers! You can have fun with gold diggers but even having fun with these women can be dangerous because they can make you think they really care for you and seem genuine. However, I can give some tips on how to spot a gold digger.

Tips For Spotting A Gold Digger:

1. She hints to wanting things all the time and puts a lot of emphasis on material things. Material possessions mean a lot to her.
2. You know she has a job but you are not sure exactly what she does. She may not really show too much passion or interest in her job and is looking for someone to save her. Doesen’t really have any goals in life…. When you ask her what her goals are, it may be she wants to live on the beach, drive this car or that car, shop, have all the designer clothes and things that she wants. She may even talk about how she wants to decorate her place. Again, it’s all about things she wants to be surrounded by but nothing deep.
3. Her affection is increased especially when you give her an expensive gift. She is not moved by sentimental gifts rather it’s the material things, designer bags, designer shoes, or anything material she puts a lot of value on.
   (You have to notice these things). If you get her a Gucci bag, she may even say, oh….one day….. I really want the Hermes bag, which runs like 30k plus. She always hints to things that are at the expensive and the very high end of the designer brand.
4. In todays world you can totally snoop on social media and see what she is all about, what she posts, and what she brags about.
5. Look at her friends and when they are together, pay attention to what they talk about? Do they compare notes about who has the biggest ring? Or the biggest house or the best car? Do they only talk about material things? What are their conversations about? Pay attention, and you can get a lot of information. Also, ask her about her childhood. What does she talk about? memories, not having enough money, what moments did she cherish in her childhood? Was it all about not having enough money to have things. Does she solely focus on that?
6. She always needs you to do something for her, or save her from something.
7. She is talking about marriage and hinting about the type of ring she wants! She may even tell you her friend got engaged and got this huge rock on her finger and she feels a bit sad.
8. If it seems too good to be true, it is too good to be true!
9. Gold diggers are not spoiled. They come off as kind and sweet, even kind of naïve but they are not. They are just very good at hiding their manipulative side. They are extremely manipulative but not prudish or snotty like the preppy spoiled sorority types. Most of the time they are super bubbly and fun!
10. Last but not least, she may have some amazing sob stories on how she grew up poor, how she has been mistreated in the past, and she definitely can be very mellow dramatic. Watch out guys. This girl always has a sob story, always has something going on, always needs something, and is always valuing things more than relationships and moments.