Embracing The Single Life


Embracing The Single Life

single life and finding a mateThere are two kinds of people who come to me looking for help finding a mate.  There’s the person who is happy and fulfilled, and therefore they are patient as it sometimes takes me and my team awhile to find their ideal partners.  And then there is the person who is so eager to find the love of their life that it borders on desperation, and because of this they’re forgetting to savor the moment and enjoy their own life journey in the meantime.

We all want to meet our special forever someone.  And that’s a wonderful goal to have…but we don’t all meet our life partners when we’re young.  So even if you’re single and still looking for a life partner, it is vital that you get out and enjoy your life as a healthy, well-adjusted man or woman.  You need to be a whole person on your own, so that you have something to offer when Mr. or Ms. Right walks into your life.

To that end, I’ve put together some of my best tips for – yes, I’m saying it – enjoying the single life.  Because I’m not just here to help clients fall in love with someone else…it’s my hope that going through this process with me, ultimately clients fall in love with themselves too.

Tip #1: Embrace Eating Alone…And Liking It

There are a lot of men and women who don’t try new restaurants, bars, or other social settings…because they feel like they have to have someone with them first.

Banish this attitude from your thoughts.  If there is a restaurant you want to try…try it!  And if you’re a little anxious at first, that’s okay…take a book or iPad or laptop and also get some work done.  Get used to sitting at the table alone.  Get used to your own company in a crowd.  Like anything in life, it just takes a little practice…but we guarantee once you get used to it, you’ll wonder why you ever hesitated in the first place.  It will boost your confidence, and better yet, you’ll have more ideas on where you’d like to go for a first date when you DO meet that special someone.

enjoy the single life while finding a mateTip #2: Embrace Your Friends

Many forget to engage with their friends while searching for a life partner.  And believe it or not, this can be a turn-off to potential love interests.  You want to show that you have confidence and a good sense of self…which is accomplished by having a healthy social life.

Fill up your calendar with “friend dates”.  And if your friend list is shorter than you’d like, join local interest groups or clubs to meet other like-minded individuals.

Be proactive about it; don’t just wait for others to call you.  If you’re looking at the week ahead and finding your calendar empty…scroll through the contacts in your cell phone. Give people a call.  Set play dates. Don’t wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to breathe energy into your social life…do that for yourself!

finding a mateTip #3: Take A Vacation

One of the questions I like to ask new clients is for a list of places they’ve always wanted to travel…and it’s amazing how long the list is for so many people, because they’ve been waiting for that special someone before planning those dream vacations.

Don’t wait.  That’s all I can say.  You want things to talk about when you DO go on a first date.  So take that cross-country road trip.  Plan that European adventure.  Take a friend with you…or go solo.  Just don’t wait, because the longer you wait, the more you’re in essence putting your life on hold for that elusive person you’re searching for.  They’ll come into your life when the time is right, but in the meantime you have to keep living for yourself.  Making memories and having adventures.

Tip #4: Create Your Dream Home

Whether you live in an apartment, a condo, a duplex, or a house…you don’t have to wait for a life partner to make it a home.  Quite often singles will make the excuse that they’re waiting to really settle into a place until they meet the person they want to build a home with.  But I say: Don’t. Wait.

Whatever home fits your budget and your lifestyle…make it your own.  Decorate with your favorite colors.  Remodel.  Invest in furniture.  Get the pet you want, instead of waiting to find out first if your future spouse prefers cats, dogs, or hamsters.

This serves two purposes: first, when that right person DOES come into your life, you’ll have a home to take them to.  A true home, that embodies your personality.  And second, it will give YOU a beautiful home to inhabit while waiting for that right person to come into your life.  Having a happy home can be a huge boost for morale.

Tip #5: Pursue A Fulfilling Career

In a tough job market sometimes we have to take what we can get to pay the bills, but that doesn’t mean you should ever stop working towards your dream career.  YOUR career.  Not the career you think your future spouse might want you to have, and not the career you think will be easiest to leave behind the minute you get married.  I’m talking about the career YOU want.  Today.

Women in particular can fall into the habit of waiting for Prince Charming to rescue them from the evil world of nine to five, and therefore don’t pursue what they really love.  And men on the other hand can find themselves in the corporate rat race, trying to make enough money to provide themselves and their future families with first class lifestyles…but at the expense of their own happiness.  Finding a mate can be a laborious process!

In the end, for both men and women, just keep this in mind: you don’t know how long it will take to meet your ideal life partner.  Some meet theirs young, others don’t.  But you have to feel fulfilled and happy in your own life no matter what.  If you have a career you enjoy, you’ll be well on your way to achieving that personal happiness.  Remember, you’ll spend a large portion of your life at work if you’re putting in 40+ hours each week; that’s far too much of your life to be wasted on a career that makes you unhappy.